As a theatremaker I love to support fellow artists –  be on a team, help develop their work, provide space and resources for artists to share their work – I like to say that I am adding my spices to someone else’s recipe. And this residency was the time I could prioritize exploring this side of myself as an artist, see what would come out of my voice if I could make my own recipe and there were artists supporting me.

At first, I tried to finish a script I started when I was in school – autobiographical stories about heritage, identity, and the different music in my life, but I had to trash it. It didn’t feel right. It felt dated.

The pandemic allowed me so much soul-searching. I spent a lot of time reflecting on what kind of artist I wanted to be, what kind of life I wanted to lead, and how to separate my goals and dreams from the harmful ideas of success borne out of capitalism and white supremacy.

Eventually, where I landed on was that I just wanted to sing for people.

I started with my go-to karaoke songs, (and I have MANY options because I am both Korean and a theatre nerd) and found something in the songs I would never dare to sing in public.

They are the “overdone songs,” the “cliches,” the songs made iconic by famous leading ladies, for characters that become predictable dream roles for many aspiring theatre kids. 

I always knew this, but only recently I really realized that musical theatre culture is overrun by upper-middle-class white people that could afford training, were used to being the star, and loved to explore and pretend struggle and trauma through a character, and when I would do my research on looking for material, when I tried to dream – the answers I would get weren’t really guided towards me. Musical theatre, when I first knew her, actually had no idea what to do with me.

I used to do a lot of negotiating in my head when asked about my dream roles – a popular question for actors – because I would prepare myself for people questioning me on “historical accuracy,” what the “political take” would be, or if I’m “being too egotistical,” people suggesting me more “realistic” dream roles I should have like Kim from Miss Saigon, Marcy Park from Spelling Bee, or any other Broadway Role that has been recently played by an Asian actor that may or may not have implicit Asian stereotypes incorporated in the character description, or people just giving me a look of pity…

but actually, if I were seen as a whole, nuanced, person, you would see that I can play any role…or actually do and create anything. We all have the potential to do anything, really.

You just have to be. creative. 

So here’s me finally sharing a little bit of what makes me feel good, in hopes that it makes you feel good and sparks some creativity.  Shamelessly.

and there’s more to come